“When you fall, I’ll pick you up.”
After a lifetime of domestic abuse, alcohol and drugs, Sione* and Alisi* are working hard to free themselves of violence and get their tamariki back. This courageous couple shared their story with us.
“We both came from backgrounds of domestic violence,” says Sione. “Growing up, I’ve seen it all – violence, alcohol and drugs within our whānau. It wasn’t a good environment. And I kept everything within me; I never asked for help.”
Unfortunately, when they got together, the cycle of violence continued. “I would get angry and violent and blame Alisi for everything,” admits Sione. “Our relationship was toxic and ugly. The darkness was all around us – the light was closing.”
Alisi’s daughter had already been removed from their care, and their pēpi was uplifted by Oranga Tamariki when he was just five days old. “Our relationship was real bad,” says Alisi. “I had a really stressful life,” she says. “Now, no more stress, no more drinking. We’re hoping to get our daughter back soon.”
Building a safer whare for their whānau
Te Whare has been walking alongside Sione and Alisi for nearly two years and they’ve graduated from several of our programmes, including our tāne non-violence and wāhine safety programmes.
Through Te Kawa o te Marae, our unique kaupapa wellbeing framework, we help whānau like Sione and Alisi to understand the origins of harmful behaviours within themselves and others. By connecting them to their wairuatanga and whakapapa, we guide whānau towards becoming violence-free and working towards positive change.
“Jasmine, our kaimahi (we call her our ‘captain’), has been amazing,” says Sione. “We’ve been doing programmes that teach us to build our whare from the ground up to create a safe environment for our tamariki. We’re not going to stop learning. It’s tough mahi, but we try to give it our all.”
“Bruce, my tutor in the men’s programme – he was great too,” recalls Sione. “Listening to Bruce’s kōrero gave me the hope and faith not to give up. And hearing the stories of other fathers gave me the strength to speak up. I know now that if I want our tamariki to come home, I need to put my mana into it and do the mahi.”
“Now we’re violence free”
Today, the couple are in a much better place. “When they took our son away, my world was broken,” says Sione. “We decided that we needed to break the cycle.”
“The anger and violence were holding us back, we brought those things into our whare,” he continues. “Now we’re violence free – there are no alcohol and drugs allowed in our whare. I’m no longer aggressive and blaming Alisi for things she didn’t do. I’m not proud of that and I don’t want our tamariki to see me like that.”
“We’re stronger now, we both guide each other. If one of us falls, we’re there to lift each other up. Alisi is my hero – she didn’t give up on me when things were really bad. I want to keep her and my tamariki safe and protected.”
“We can’t thank the kaimahi from Te Whare enough. We really appreciate their mahi and the way they’ve guided us through this. Now it’s our turn to step up and meet them, and to be good role models for our daughter.”
The couple are looking forward now and aim to set up a small business together. “I just want to be this new version of me,” says Sione. “It’s a new beginning. We have hope, we have faith, and we keep praying to get our tamariki back soon.”
*Names changed to protect identities.