“That was the jaw-dropping moment right there.”

Like most of the tāne who’ve done our Tāne Non-violence Programme, Matiu experienced a violent upbringing. “The emotional things that a child requires wasn’t part of my life,” he says. “I didn’t know to be a father, a husband and a pillar within the family. I didn’t know how to be there for my family, because that’s something I never was taught.”

Once he started attending the free, small-group sessions, Matiu explains that the space felt safe for him and others. “I did note that at first some of the bros were quiet. But they opened up over time. They started to realise this place isn’t too bad after a while. You realise you’re not alone, we’re all on the same waka … and then you realise there was an element of ease and trust in that room. I felt I could trust the bros with some of the things I confided in them.”

A key learning moment for Matiu was during one of the first sessions. “Will said, ‘I’ll ask you guys this question. Would you like your daughter to be with someone like you?’ And I was like, no way. I would never want anything of that nature to happen to my baby. I had to say that out loud. That really stuck with me, it really hit the heart. For me, that was the jaw-dropping moment right there.”

Through our unique kaupapa Māori framework, the programme enables tāne to let go of destructive behaviours, embrace the power of their identity as Māori, and build healthy whānau relationships.

Matiu explains how he would consciously try out one thing that he learnt each week and report back what happened. “Every week, I would try and take one thing home, put it into practice, come back the next week and share that moment. And then, I’d have a good outcome. So to come into the kōrero with some positive feedback, hopefully would have been of some benefit to someone. Even if it was just one person in the room. That to me is a win.”

Matiu says that all the tāne on the programme want to be better. “When I hear them talk about their family and them wanting to be better partners and better fathers, it really touches my heart. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all got the struggle within us. But deep inside us, we all want to be better men. No one wants to really hurt someone. We’re all yearning for peace, we’re all yearning for love.”

*A stock image used to protect privacy.