“I now know that I’m not alone and I’m going to be okay.”

After years of being in a controlling and abusive relationship, Marama* is on a journey towards healing with the support of Te Whare. She has courageously shared her story with us.

“Before connecting with Te Whare, my life was filled with darkness, and I was purely in survival mode,” she says. “I lived in constant fear and was being completely controlled, in every way a human being can be, by the male in the household. Every single day felt long and exhausting.”

Thankfully, that relationship is now behind her and she is on a path towards a better life. “The support that I have been blessed to receive from Te Whare has made – and is making – a huge impact on my healing journey. I’ve learnt that my story matters and is worth talking about. I now know that I’m not alone and that I’m going to be okay.”

“Marama has reconnected with her marae and hapu that she had never been allowed to connect with before,” says her Kairuruku (Social Worker). “Most importantly, she has started to believe that being Māori is a strength, not a weakness.”

“Since working with Te Whare, I have become more connected,” explains Marama. “Now, when I feel anxious and overwhelmed, Te Taiao (the natural environment), helps to ground me. I can connect the cyclical nature of my trauma with that of the living world, such as the storms in the ocean.”

Through our unique wellbeing framework, Te Kawa o te Marae, we help whanau learn to reconnect with their wairuatanga and whakapapa, guiding them towards positive behaviour change using Kaupapa Māori tools and resources to build a future that’s free of violence.

When whānau are reconnected with te ao Māori, they begin to change. They learn to heal from generational violence, restore relationships and take better care of their tamariki. This creates a ripple effect that positively impacts their whole whānau – just as it’s doing for Marama.

“We all feel safer, calmer and more protected”

Since working with Te Whare, Marama’s life is looking up. “I’ve learnt many helpful life skills that I use every day. I don’t feel alone in my healing journey. Te Whare gives me hope that my trauma is not who I am and doesn’t define my life.”

Her healing journey has also had a positive effect on the wellbeing of her whānau. “We’re doing better as a family. Thanks to the support from Te Whare, I am slowly starting to enjoy my life, which means that my family get to see me smile, laugh and live with positivity. We all feel safer, calmer and more protected.”

“With all the healthy life skills that I’ve learnt, my family benefit too – because I can teach them that there is a safe and loving way to live,” she continues. “In my past life, I felt scared and controlled. My present life is filled with aroha, safety, freedom and positivity. No one is controlling anyone.”

Marama says the best part of the support from Te Whare is having someone to talk to. “Knowing that there is someone helping me makes such a difference. I feel hope that I can get past the dark feelings that come with my trauma.”

She would totally recommend Te Whare to any other wāhine in a similar situation. “I believe that everybody who has gone through what I have needs support outside of their family. Te Whare is an amazing organisation, and you don’t feel judged or uncomfortable – you’re supported to heal at your own pace.”

*Name changed and stock image used to protect privacy.